if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
