Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
