eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
