I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
