1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
