and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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