every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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