3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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