Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
