I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
