I met the friendliest cop last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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