did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
