i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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