you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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