How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
