his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
