Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
