I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
