Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I AM VODKA MAN
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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