Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
