Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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