Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
