People with herpes should wear stickers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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