I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
