No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
