just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
