I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
