I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
