and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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