so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
