Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
