But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
