You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
