I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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