I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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