hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
