Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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