My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
