I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
