i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This house was built for laser tag.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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