So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
