Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
