I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
