lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
