The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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