# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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