Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
