she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
