my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
