He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's never too late to be topless.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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