His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
