We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
