please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
